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How do you respond when people question or criticize your parenting? How can you build bridges with people, helping them hear and consider new ideas about attachment parenting and natural parenting? Keep reading for fresh, effective strategies that promote understanding.

The art of the respectful comeback

People say the darnedest things sometimes — and natural parenting practices can be a common target in conservative Dallas/Fort Worth. The next time you feel ambushed about your parenting, try some of these gentle (and some not-so-gentle, yet still respectful) responses. Formatted here as responses to criticisms about cosleeping, these comebacks can be adapted to any situation from extended breastfeeding to cloth diapering or health care choices.

	How interesting that you find the need to comment on/question us about how our family sleeps.
	I would love to have your help folding this laundry.
	The family that sleeps together, snores together!
	We believe that our family gets to decide for itself how we do things.
	Yeah, we still sleep together frequently. Isn’t snuggling up as a family the greatest thing in the world? There is nothing sweeter, in my opinion. Don’t you just love it, too?
	I thought when I had kids that they would probably need me on and off in different ways at different times their whole lives. So her needing me this way, at this time, and my meeting that need — that’s just what parents do, right?
	Yeah kids are the greatest, huh?
	Can’t sleep with ‘em, can’t sleep without ‘em …
	Picking your nose is a habit; snuggling is a pleasure.
	What? Baby my baby? No way, wouldn’t dream of it! (big grin)
	I am hoping that she will indeed develop the “habit” of coming to me to get her needs met. We hope that will be a habit she will continue into her teens, instead of doing drugs or engaging in early sex.
	Meeting my children’s need for safety and security is a pleasure.
	Unless you want to discuss your personal pleasures when it comes to bedtime, I think you should MYOB.
	I am uncomfortable talking about how our family sleeps. You have made a big deal of this, have tried to shame us about it and are trying to make her seem abnormal for meeting her natural needs for security. Let’s talk about something else.
	Why do you feel that this is any of your business?
	Why do you want to start this up again?
	Even big girls need snuggling. There is nothing wrong with that, is there?
	I didn’t realize there was a age/weight limit on a child’s having her needs met.
	So what do you do — send them back to bed alone when they need you? Really? Oh … hum … Poor kids …
	I think your feeding your kids chips and soda for supper isn’t the greatest thing in the world either, but I am polite enough not to make a big deal of it.
	We all are doing the best we can. Being a parent is hard.
	Thanks for your opinion. Pass the potatoes.
	Please don’t try to shame my child about needing her parents at night. It’s inappropriate and hurtful.
	Please stop trying to shame me about sleeping with my child. It hurts my feelings and does nothing to change my mind. Our decision is well thought out, well researched and works best for our family.

Reprinted with permission from “carmen veranda,” from a posting at MotheringDotCommune.

Be the change you want to see

How can you get people to listen to and consider AP and natural parenting ideas? Be the change you want to see in others. Don’t battle people — give them a way in to what they probably see as a radical approach far from the safety net of mainstream approval.

“First you ask, ‘What am I here for? To be right? Or to connect with people and get something done?’” says activist Andre Carothers, quoted in an article on communication skills for activism in Utne Reader (March-April 2003). “Once you’ve established that, take a deep breath and listen really carefully. Put yourself in their shoes, imagine what it’s like for them to be with you at this moment.

“After you are sure that they feel heard, deliver your truth in a way that is easy for them to hear. You want to position yourself in a way that moves a person toward you. That is rarely, if ever, a combative position. It’s always this welcoming position. So if you can keep yourself in this welcoming posture, you can talk to anyone and have a humane and intelligent conversation rather than an oppositional one. People don’t get moved through being persuaded. People get moved through being aligned.”